yoakemae | 夜明け前

So I’ve been told by my mum’s mate in England that no thanks to the Eyjafjallajökull eruption in Iceland, a buttload of flights have been grounded. Too much volcanic ash to see through, and there’s the risk of it being sucked into the jet engines and then shutting it down.

My friend Sophia’s pretty let down by that, because she was all set to go to Majorca on holiday. Both her original flight and the replacement one tomorrow have been cancelled.

Now I’m due to fly back on Sunday because school reopens in a few. Even that’s pretty much in limbo.

Dash it all, indeed. ><

NB// I’ve installed FD’s Footnotes – useful, since I don’t like missing background detail; but writing a sentence and realizing that it’s a bit too long can be a bit tedious to read. Anyway, on with the post!

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Say what you will, but perhaps pathetic fallacy isn’t just indicated by nature – a la the great tree mentioned in Jane Eyre that was struck by lightning before Jane’s wedding to Mr Rochester (who, it turns out, had a wife beforehand!) Rather, I’d like to think that even technology has a way of foreseeing things to come; and no, I’m not referring to weather forecasting technology or diagnostic tools in medicine.

On Monday evening, right after “seeing” off  le boyfriend via IM (I’m back in Malaysia for Easter, he was heading off to a family ski trip in the French Alps), iTunes starts ‘spinning’ “Big Yellow Taxi” (the Counting Crows version; even though I grew up listening to Joni Mitchell’s.)

And no, I didn’t suspect something amiss. Not even when dad “chose” to arrive home the moment this line played:

“Don’t it always seem to go that you don’t know what you got till it’s gone…?”

So my dad “saunters” in – I say saunter; it was actually more of a casual, less-energetic “clump” in. I did what any (sane + loving, teehee xD) daughter would do and gave him a hug – before proceeding to chat about his day. The usual, you know; crazy-happy staff, bit of an insane workload (performance targets, anyone?) and then some.

Before I know it, there’s a bit of a silent moment – after which, dad asked if I remembered Uncle¹ P.

“Yeah, I do…why?”

Our family have known Uncle P and his family for yonks – well over 10 years if I may say so.  An American who married a friend of my mum’s female boss², they have two mixed-blood kids – K and S. We didn’t live close by; but we saw each other when my mum’s bosses organized get-togethers during the -many- festive seasons here in Malaysia – say Christmas, Chinese New Year, etc etc. They were generally good-natured people and we got on well; I even have some funny memories of him during the Christmas party games of years gone by. In fact, my family (bar me, I was in England at the time) last saw them during Chinese New Year, which was just last month.

I knew all that, yes; but all the information in the galaxy wouldn’t have prepared my for dad’s next words:

“He passed away yesterday.”

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Before I start, here’s a shoutout to Jackie and Jenny as thanks for their comments on my last post. Highly appreciated

Anyway, life as a fresh non-singleton is pretty daunting and thrilling all at the same time. Daunting because it’s not something I’ve had any experience in -ever-, and also because whilst I’m busy navigating being part of a couple, I have the rest of life in general to keep in check too! But it’s well thrilling for the same reasons – learning more about someone and growing closer to them (on a different level) gives such a buzz that I could never have imagined.

In fact, the euphoria I felt when he first asked me out has only just slowly calmed down a few days ago! (That could just be me being highly emotionally involved in most of my experiences in general, though. :P)

One of my main “regrets” is that while he’s my first boyfriend (which indirectly means he’ll also be my first at quite a few other things), it isn’t mutual; a) I’m not the first person he’s fallen for, b) I’m not his first girlfriend (in fact, I’m friends with her – she was more than happy for us both so that’s a plus!) and c) I’m not the first person he’s kissed either. So whilst I enjoy the thrill of all these new (and slightly alien) experiences, it’s not the same for him – after all, he’s been there, done that.
Though mind you, when I told him how scared senseless I was “because I’m new to all this!”, he laughed and comforted me there and then. Cue the “awww!” cries – did I mention that I’m the older one here, by the way?

Regardless of that, though, keeping to many an adult’s advice of “taking things a day at a time” has worked extremely well. In fact, yesterday was the first ever weekend-long outing I’ve been on with him and some of our other friends – he and another guy had initially planned to celebrate their birthdays with a trip to the movies (they’re both February babies); and this plan didn’t even involve me at first (I’m in the year above their group at school.)

However, a) they took forever to finalize their plans, and b) I ended up with him; so before I knew it, I got invited along to this outing too…of course, with the approval of everyone else in his group of friends. I guess it helped that we all were friends even before I went out with him

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