absolutely jaded.

PLAYLIST// The Ting Tings - Shut Up And Let Me Go (ZOMG, it’s the song for the iPod advert! And it somewhat fits the mood of this post!)
PREQUEL TO POST// Riku, Scarlie, if you read this anytime soon - EMAIL ME! I know I tried to drop the former a line, but you never got back to me. *sniff* And Scarlie, THEY RECENTLY BLOCKED LIVEJOURNAL DAMMIT. =(

Phew! That aside, I remember I used to have a post with the title “Absolutely Speechless”, but that was eons ago. And if memory serves me well (I cleared my archives, haha), it was about 1) someone dropping me as an affy like a hotcake, or 2) someone applying for affiliation with stolen graphics.

But feh, if you (very few readers) noticed, my posts are being less and less centred around cyberspace-mania - they’re more towards life in general. I’ll be glad when school’s out in 2 weeks and I have an 8+ week long summer break; because that way YM.net gets a facelift it desperately needs. AS WELL as Surrealle. *sigh* Don’t we just wish I could have easy wi-fi access 24/7, so that this problem of updating is non-existent? No? Ah well.

Anywho, as the title suggests - yes, I am fed up. No, I’m not on drugs. Yes, humanity still intrigues me with its never-ending bouts of stupidity. And YES, I have not been in much contact with you online mates - and I deeply apologise - for one or more of the reasons below:

# Priority One: School (now isn’t that a HUGE surprise.) Or to be more specific, coursework and exams. And well, when you’ve got only 4 internet-equipped communal computers in the boarding house (to cater for 35+ people), when you DO get time on the comps, you’d want to use every spare minute for your coursework. Not online matters, unless it’s sparing 5 minutes to write a snappy email to Mum/Dad/Jerry (not my boyfriend, my BROTHER.) And when you’re NOT on the comps, you’re either 1) drafting technical directions for your GCSE Drama work, or 2) revising for a 2.5 hour long Statistics exam…and then some! 0_0 Luckily I’ve got only 2 Science exams left, and most people are out of the house for the weekend, hence why I’ve got a good moment to type this entry now.
# Next comes musical stuffo. Strange as it sounds, I’m enjoying it more and more - I guess it’s got to do with taking the plunge and involving myself in it more. For starters, Mr Hedges (Mr H) “forced” us to start early on our GCSE Music compositions…now you think we’d be composing posh classical music or something-like-that. Ha-ha. On the contrary, we were allowed to compose from 4 genres - one including “Popular Music in Context”. Guess what yours truly is doing now…writing a Britpop piece (think Oasis, Blur etc) - wahey! And don’t get me started on the concerts I’ve been “pushed” into doing; though I admit they make me enjoy playing for audiences a lot more!

So basically, it’s a lot of offline-happenings that’s kept me busy. And a lack of proper internet access. Thank heavens I can still blog here, and that I have my own domain - WordPress.com, Blogspot.com…you name the blog network, they’ve blocked it. URGH! =( I can’t even read Jerry’s blog…I might offer him hosting if he wants. =)

There’s a cut for your sanity - click on to read at your own risk.

Aaaaanywho. I did say I was intrigued/semi-fed up with humanity. No, I still love my family dearly; it’s the friends who get me nearly tearing my hair out. I’m glad Rachel made contact recently, and was very patient with me venting out this issue to her. And I’m glad none of my UK mates IRL (in real life) know where my blog is. =) It’s a long story, though; and plenty of female-related “catfights” involved. So it’ll be very long-winded as I explain the finer works.

To the point - I’m mates with this girl who…er, let’s just call her DT. She hasn’t exactly got the best track record in this school - by that I mean, people call her an attention-seeking w***e and all that because of some of her antics (I don’t think I’ll go into detail.) Sure, I don’t approve of everything she does - I sometimes set her straight - but she’s my mate because 1) she accepts me for who I am, so I do likewise…and 2) she’s been steadfast and loyal to me when everyone else wasn’t.

Needless to say, DT is the kind of girl who whinges about boy trouble 24/7. I do tell her to snap out of it sometimes, but some of her woes are indeed legit. But back to the situation - recently, she told me that she had, for some weird reason, fallen head-over-heels for this guy she didn’t really know (we’ll call him JO.) As luck would’ve had it, he was (note the word “was”) a friend of mine - we hung out together; me, another Yr 10 called Katie, him, and some of his Year 9 mates. So I think, “OK; DT’s a Year 10 and JO’s a Yr 9 - no big. How about encouraging them to be mates? Then we’ll see.”

I did just that - when she told me who it was she fancied, I said “hey, he’s a mate of mine. Why not try talking more to him? I know he usually hangs around the music block during breaktimes, lunchtimes etc. *wink*” So yeah, they got talking and really hit it off. I did know, though, that she had told about 3 other girls in our year about her “secret crush” and had sworn them to secrecy. What I DIDN’T know, though, was that someone had blabbed - and had blamed me for spreading the rumours. Or to put it clearly, they blabbed, and blamed me for blaming them for spreading the rumours.

I know what you’re thinking: Big deal. But the thing was, this girl (we’ll call her B), who was the one who got “blamed by Ari”, came up and gave me a bit telling-off in front of God and everyone else. (Humiliation much? I didn’t get a chance to say anything.) She then went to DT, who wasn’t there at the time, and said, “ooh, guess what? I told Ari what I really thought of her. Boy, that b****-”, but DT said, “You’re the b****, B! I trusted you with my secret, but now all the other day girls know - and Ari doesn’t have that kind of connection with the day girls from other years; she’s a boarder! The other 2 have kept many of my secrets before, so they’re out of the question. The only one left is you, and I’ve noticed that since Ari won the Food Technology award, you’ve been on her case ever since. So how DARE you vent your jealousy by framing her!” Told you DT knew her loyalties, ei?

Well, luckily no one else believed I would sabotage the “budding relationship” between DT and JO. I guess because I was the only one DT knew who had links with both her and JO, I was a likely target. But that aside, I was content watching the two of them progressing as friends, despite all the ongoing talk. I found it funny that although lots of people were disgusted at how she “threw herself all over him”, no one blamed me for having anything to do with it. In fact, later on, when we discovered that the feeling was mutual (albeit way-too-whirlwind), everyone sympathised with me that JO hadn’t been truthful to me over those weeks he was hanging out with DT. They’d spend every breaktime alone together, and talk over the phone late nights.

I’ll backtrack a tad. When DT was pursuing JO (makes me laugh thinking!), eveyrone was put off by how the two would “head off together, alone” so frequently. JO used to hang out with our group quite a lot, but he ditched us for DT. And it got worse because the two soon became very physically intimate (snogging 101, people?) without the boyfriend-girlfriend relationship. “Comitment phobes,” our group would say. “Or they’re just plain irresponsible and want fun with no strings attached.” Sadly, I had to agree. And when JO hung out with DT, he became more withdrawn with us till it got to the point where I wasn’t interacting with him anymore - neither were the rest of the group. Picture if you will; as he gets closer to DT, he drifts away from being my friend. Ha, ha.

Later on, the two were “fooling about” for quite a while…until DT, what with all her “scared of commitment because my ex hurt me so” speech, blurts out to JO that “it’s either we’re going out or not. So which is it?” JO then told her that he’d think about it (this was just 5 days ago, by the way.) 1 day passed and he was to give an answer, but he didn’t. So she got in a strop and said, “WTH is going on?!” I remember having to pull her away and setting her straight (told you I didn’t approve of everything she did - this was one of them.)

Later on (the next day), he casually tells her “oh, I can’t go out with you because of your reputation” - and then tries to carry on as if he hadn’t screwed with her heart. So DT gets stressy, upset and all that shiz. What complicated the issue, though, was that one of JO’s mates (a girl) had a hand in it, and that JO was defending her. This got our group mad; clearly JO’s mate was being utterly dimwitted in what she said and did; so why couldn’t he see that?

The thing is, I’m semi-peeved at the fact that DT’s doing all this, and then wondering “why me?” Yet I can’t tell her outright that she’s bringing this upon herself…well, because of ALL she’s done, I don’t know how to get it across tactfully, really. I’m also utterly peeved at the fact JO was actually as charming as a snake (stupid comparison, haha) - sure, he’s easy to talk to and all; but the fact that he hadn’t any backbone/gull to stick for his beliefs - and screwed all of us in the process - is making me barf. And he wonders why the function I don’t speak to him anymore. I did say (in jest) “hey, you hang out with DT all the time. I’m surprised you even care.” And so did some others in our group. The last straw, though, was when he blamed my mate GH for being the one who told me and DT a lot of bull - so that we would be peeved at him (this upset her in the process!) Hello, LOOK AT YOURSELF FER GOODNESS SAKE.

I think they’re both to blame; but I don’t just feel anger. I also feel sympathy that they’re actually THAT sad (metaphorically) as human beings; one’s playing dumb, the other’s truly dumb (in terms of social faux pas, yesh.) Though DT did dig her own grave for this by rushing things too soon, I’m still mad at JO’s actions; but I think there’s something more to it that what he’s tried to “explain” to us so far. Maybe I’ll find out about it when the emotions die down. If you actually stuck with me till now…what say you?

7 scribbles to “absolutely jaded.”

Faye scribbled on June 26th, 2008 at 2:21 pm

Millah scribbled on July 4th, 2008 at 6:43 am

Millah scribbled on July 4th, 2008 at 6:44 am

Millah scribbled on July 4th, 2008 at 6:46 am

Skye scribbled on July 7th, 2008 at 2:35 am

Aneesah scribbled on July 7th, 2008 at 5:13 pm

Scarlet scribbled on July 8th, 2008 at 12:42 pm

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